In times like this when my grandmother is in very bad shape, I feel very reliefed that I can stay here in the city. Distance is killing when some one close is in such a bad shape that every call you get you expect the worse news. On the other hand it seems to me that I have reduced all my free time to some shallow things to do. Nothing that takes brain energy is done. When I am free in the evening I started to watch THE teenie serial Vampire Diaries. I am completely stuck with it now and would just like to finish it so I can start read or do something constructive.
On the other hand maybe this is exactly what I need in times like this. Maybe it is a system shut down to give the brain some opportunity to think and dream about some eternal life where everyone is young, looking good and happy. In any case it is a weird feelingU vremenima poput ovih kad mi je majka jako lose, jako mi je olaksavajuce psihicki da mogu biti ovdje u gradu. Daljina je (meni) ubitacna kad je neko tako lose i kad svaki poziv koji ocekujes onaj sa najgorim vjestima. Dalje, imam osjecaj da sam u slobodno vrijeme reducirala sve aktivitete koje zahtijevaju imalo mozga. Nista sto mi je psihicki naporno ne radim. Kad sam slobodna pocnem gledati “naj djeciju” seriju Vampire Diaries. Skroz sam se navukla na nju, i jedva cekam da zavrsi da pocnem nesto konstruktivno raditi i citati.
Ali u drugu ruku je mozda upravo to sto mi treba u ovakvim vremenima. Mozda je to  neka vrsta iskljucenje sistema i odmor za mozak kad mogu sanjati o nekom vjecnom zivotu gdje su svi mladi, zdravi i lijepi… U svakom slucaju jako cudan osjecaj…